Oh, Lorie Line...

Oh, Lorie Line.

Sigh.

Some would say she’s a staple of the Twin Cities.  She has been here FOREVER.  And I don’t get it.

Call me critical, call me a snob…the fact is, I am mystified by the apparent phenomenon she generates.  Ms. Line plays piano covers of popular songs, putting what’s often described as “her own unique twist” on them.  She has cut 36 records over the course of her career.  I had the opportunity to see her perform recently, and the show was… odd. 

The high point was her dress (pictured below), which is never really a good sign.  When she sat down at the piano, she looked like a satin cupcake.  When her violinist played her arrangement of “O Holy Night” I was shocked at how out of tune it was – at least a quarter-step sharp up until the end.  Line and her instrumentalists (The Fab 5?  Really - she couldn’t come up with a more creative name for her backup musicians?) went through more costume changes than a Kardashian on her wedding day.  The pageantry was clearly the focus – and don’t get me wrong, that is fine.  Far be it from me to disparage the beloved Christmas kitsch of devoted Midwesterners if that’s what they’re into.  Thing is, Line doesn’t fully own up to being anything other than a Very Serious Musician – even though her hair and makeup approach drag queen territory and her questionable arranging decisions make a hot mess of “Hedwig’s Theme” from the Harry Potter movies.  Yes, you read that right.  In Line’s mind, this piece somehow fit into a concert titled “Christmas Bells Are Ringing!” (apostrophe hers).  

In her bio, she seems to feel a need to barb her fellow music performance majors.  “I’m probably the only performance major out there who is actually performing,” she says in an interview published on her website.  Really?  I went to school with about 40 other music majors, many of whom have begun exciting performance careers involving music that is, perhaps, a bit more challenging than the repertoire Line chooses.

For me, the most disappointing thing about Lorie Line’s performance was the fact that she really is talented.  Her facility at the piano is easy to see, and she has a Bachelor's in piano performance, so she must understand the technique and mechanics necessary to get that degree.  For whatever reason, this talented pianist left the classics behind in favor of bubblegum pop music and easily recognizable shreds of movie scores overshadowed by a distracting visual spectacle.  Your guess is as good as mine.

For all her tackiness, she has amassed a veritable empire.  On her website she claims to have the largest woman-owned independent record label in the United States, which I somehow doubt…I mean, surely Righteous Babe outranks her?  Please God?  Either way, at the end of the day it makes me wonder who is to blame: the talented classical pianist who opted for schmaltzy ear candy, or the audience who made that kind of music profitable in the first place.

Oh, and merry Christmas.